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FAMILY WELL-BEING:
HOW TO DEAL WITH TEEN ALCOHOL ABUSE |
D.G. Schwartz
Medina, OH |
When I discovered that my son and his friends had been sneaking into our liquor cabinate and binge drinking after school I was mortified. He was such a good boy in school, but his grades had begun to slip. He was 14 at the time and we sought the help of our family doctor and our parish Priest. They both gave us the same advice. Our son was the victim of peer pressure and he had nothing from his dad and I to counter it with. We began by giving him more responsibility for helping out in the family business. By showing him that we had respect for his judgement and his contribution to the family's well-being, we discovered he became less and less influenced by the opinions or values of his buddies at school. |
| FEEDBACK: The idea of bringing a wayward child into the family business and teaching them to be responsible formore than just filling their idle time is great. I'll try it. D.S. Dekalb, Ill. |
S.A.
Bivens
Bend, OR |
My daughter came home drunk from a Rave Party and threw up on our front porch before she passed out on our lawn. My wife and I were horrified. She refused to talk about it the next day. She told us it was none of our business. The next week we made an appointment with a family counseling service for her. She missed the appointment. Her mother decided that if peer pressure was driving her to drink than peer pressure might make her stop. We organized a meeting of all of the parents in our neighborhood and had members of the local Police, Clergy and Medical professions talk about the problems associated with teen alcohol abuse. Each of the parents made a pledge to address the problem forcefully with their children. In effect the entire teen population in our neighborhood was grounded. My daughter was furious with us.She was being blamed for what happened by her friends that didn't drink. Then something changed. Her friends realized that she had a problem and came together to support her. They began weekly discussion groups at school so that kids could talk openly about their own issues. We will probably never know if the teens stopped their drinking all together but it certainly became a lot less acceptable with my daughter and her friends. |
FEEDBACK: I had never thought to bring my son's drinking problem to the attention of his friends. We actually tried to cover it up. I can see what a mistake that was now. Thank you so much. -C.D.,Altoona, PA
Bavo to you and your wife for taking the initiative in bringing this to the other parents. It truely does take a village to raise a child.-D.D. Birmingham, AL
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N. Smith
Denver, CO |
I'm not one of these parents that thinks that pulling their kids up short for bad behavior will damage their delicate little self-esteems in the future. My daughter came home drunk from football victory celebration and mowed down our mailbox and smashed int a tree. I was scared and disgusted at the same time. She had begged us for that car and promised us she was old enough to handle the responsibility. I'm a nurse, so I knew right away how to cure this bad habit. Once I determined that she was just dazed from the impact, I marched her into the house, cleaned and sobered her up and took her down to the Emergency Ward at my hospital to see first hand what driving drunk can lead to. It didn't take long. 15 minutes after we arrived two ambulances pulled in with the victims of a three car accident. The driver of one of the cars had been at the same victory party. They had to amputate her leg to get her out of the wreckage. My daughter threw up at the sight of all that blood. Call it tough love, call it whatevey you want. But my daughter swares it put her off the boze for good. |
FEEDBACK: Wow! That was amazing. I teach High School in LA and teen drinking is a big problem in my class. I never thought of taking my kids to see what the results of their behavior can lead to. But I certainly will now. -M.E. Sunland, CA
My daughter died as a result of drinking and driving. I never thought that her story might prevent someone else from losing their child. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Now I know her death didn't have to be in vain. -D.R. Tulsa, OK
How could you subject your daughter to such a tramatic experience after she had a car crash. Shame on you. - N.T. San Diego, CA |
D.F.
Sanchez
Miami, FL |
The big problem is even being aware that your teenager even has a drinking problem. My kids tell me that all the kids in their class either drink or get high. They say it's no big thing for their friends to go to the bathroom and light-up a joint in the middle of class and come back and put their heads down on the desk until the bell rings.
I can't believe what our society has come to. When I found out what was going on I was ready to pull my kid out of that school and call the cops.Then my wife convinced me that sort of thing wouldn't do any good for the school or our son. She said we should be glad that he felt close enough to us as parents to even let us know what was going on. She suggested that we invite some of his friends over to swim in our pool and use the occassion to find out more about why they think it's so "cool" to drink and get high. We did and what we found out really opened our eyes. The kids told us that they get high because they know that when they grow up their time for fun will be over and they will have to settle into the same dull, hum-drum life as their parents. They said that their parents never did anything with them and basically ignored them or couldn't wait to get them out of the house. That told us that we better start spending more time together as a family and less time in front of the TV set and the computer. We started planing "Fun Breaks into every week-end. I can't do anything about the kids my son hangs out with, but I can do something to show him how important he is to his mom and I.And I think it seems to be working. |
| FEEDBACK: never thought to ask my daughter if she and her friends drink. Now I will. I hope she tells me the truth. C.V. Ogden, UT |
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EXPERT OPINIONS |
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Children are under a great deal of pressure to effect adult |
mannerisms and assert their independence from parental values. The problems with teen alcohol abuse begin and end with the values that their parents place on social drinking. If dad comes home with too much to drink, then driving drunk becomes acceptable. "If he can handle it, then I can handle it" becomes their justification.
Darin Walters, PhD.
Child Services Director
City of New York |
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Every day we hear of another dire mishap,
accident
or life |
threatening consequence of teenaged alcohol abuse. In many states the problem has reached epidemic proportions. My concern is that parents are not taking the problem as a serious threat to the safety of their children and their community. The best solution for this problem is to acknoledge that it is in fact a problem and to begin to address the causes as well as the cures.
Debora Weinstein
Teacher
Seattle School District |
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In my line of work I have seen far too many of the results of |
the teen-drinkng problem played out on the sidewalks and highways of our city. All of us. Law enforcement, educators, clergymen, medical practitioners and social service workers need to pull together to help parents begin to understand that this problem is not just another example of "kids will be kids." Children are dying and innocent lives are put at risk every day by this growing issue.
Sgt. Dave McKenna
Calif. Highway Patrol
Fresno, CA |
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Last year more than
35,000 kids lost their lives to alcohol |
related incidents. One of the most important blind-spots in dealing with this problem is our school system. The consequences of teen-aged drinking are left up to the parent to explain and prevent. Many parents are themselves the problem by providing poor supervision of alcohol in the home or expressing a permissive attitude towards alcohol use by their children. It is time for education to take a stronger role as they have with sex education and nutrition.
Dr. Phillip Knowles
Principal
Denver Vocational High |
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As a manufacturer of spirits and alcoholic beverages for adult use |
we are all too aware of the dangers associated with underage drinking. We believe that a uniform age limit for service to minors will go a long way towards eliminating the high degree of interstate driving to obtain alcohol in border state communities. I would suggest that parents join our industry in urging congress to pass such legislation before even more innocent lives are put at risk.
David Spivak
Brand Manager
A Major Spirits Distributor |
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Talk to your teens about whothey hang out with and what they |
do for fun. Show an interest. Meet their friend's parents. The only way to control at-risk behavior is to be involved in their lives. Period. The use of alcohol by minors is forbidden by law. It's serious. It's dangerous. And if damage to life or property happens as a result, you as the parent will be held responsible. Don't underestimate the seriousness of this problem or the consequenses that may arise from it.
Mildred Davis
Child Welfare Worker
State of Illinois |
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CONTRIBUTORS
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Dan Scholnik,
Print Production
Supervisor
Fantazzzmia
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| I have two teenaged daughters at home and it's all I can do to keep from riding shotgun on every one of their dates. I know we have to let our kids learn about taking responsibility for their actions and I don't want to be a helicopter Dad, but I get so concerned about all of the dangers that face kids today. And the fact that they seem so blase about the things that would have scared me to death when I was their age. |
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Debbie Chase ,
Art Director
Fantazzzmia |
| My kids think that I am just an old stick in the mud. I don't care. They have a curfew. They have to call home if they are out past 7. My house, my rules, is how I see it. I don't know if their friends drink or not. But the first time I smell alcohol on their breath will be the last time. Call me old fashioned but teen or no teen, I will know what they are doing and who they are doing it with, or it won't be done. |
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Nate Moore ,
Traffic
Supervisor
Fantazzzmia |
| I've talked to both of my boys about drinking and drugs and they were pretty streight forward with me about not having had those temptations yet. I don't think they would sneak around behind our back to go out and binge drink, but I do think that parents can not always depend upon kids to make the right judgement calls when confronted with peer pressure and the heat of any given moment. |
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Russ Tannan ,
Print Buyer
Fantazzzmia |
| Last year two of my sons closest friends were drinking at a party and decided to drive home, half crocked. On the way home they got into a drag race with two other guys and one of the boys cars spun out and hit a tree. They pronounced him dead at the scene. That shook my boy up pretty bad. He admitted that he was tempted to ride with the boy who died rather than walk home after the party. Things like this bring home the fact of exactly how fragile life can be. This kid had everything going for him and he threw it away on a bad judgement call. As parents we can't afford to make any assuptions. I know I can't. Not any more. |
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Dan Scholnik,
Print Production
Supervisor
Fantazzzmia |
| We adults have no idea what it is like to grow up in today's world. They have so many distractions and so many influences that are completely beyond us as parents to control. I try to keep up, but it gets harder and harder as the technology gets more and more complex. i used to worry about alcohol, but now that seems tame compared to some of the things that they get exposed to. I just think the days of us trying to be our kids best friends are over. Now we just have to do whatever we can to make sure they don't make the kind of mistakes that can ruin their lives. |
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