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FAMILY WELL-BEING:
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR TEEN IS A SAFE DRIVER. |
D.A.
Greene
Yuma, AZ |
I read some place that when asked teen aged drivers said that the strongest influence on their safe driving was the interest that their parents took in teaching them the proper use of safe driving habits. With my own two teen-aged girls I started very early telling them of the responsibility that driving an automobile puts on their shoulders. The greatest is the fact that you have the lives of another person or persons in your hands the minute you slip behind that wheel.
When they first got their permits they could not drive without a licensed driver in the car. Of course both of the girls would rater have their friends drive with them rather than their Dad or I. One day I went shopping with a friend and I saw my eldest dughter with a car full of her friends zoom up and pass through a stop sign without stopping. I couldn't believe my eyes.
I asked my friend to follow them. They blew through four more stop signs on the way to the Mall. After they parked my car and went into the Mall, I took out my spare keys, started up my car and drove it to my friends house. I asked her if I could keep it in her garage for a few days.
Later that night when my daughter returned home, she thought the car had been stolen and gave me some elaborate story about being followed by some "scary" guys and parking the car at the Mall to "escape." I told her that the car was her responsibility and it would be up to her to get it back.
I asked if she had reported it stolen. She said no. I told her that I expected her to contact all of her friends that were in the car and get them over to the house right away with their parents, so we could file a Police Report.
An hour later my living room was full. My husband asked a friend who was a Police Officer to come over. He questioned all of the kids seperately. Each one had a different story. When he was done, he asked them if they remembered stopping at any stop signs on the way to the Mall. None of them remembered and one of the kids even remarked that "nobody pays attention to stop signs."
At that point I got up and announced what had happened to the car and that as a result of my daughter's failure to yield to four stop signs her driving privileges were suspended for an entire year. To my surprise the parents of her friends followed suit. Everybody in that car was grounded for a year. |
| FEEDBACK: I remember during my senior year one of the insurance companies brought an old junker to our school and hoisted onto the roof with a crane. Then they pushed it off the roof. It hit the ground at 60mph. I never forgot what the inside of that car looked like. It was the most powerful lesson I ever learned in school. I've been a safe driver ever since. J.S. Topeka, KS |
N.R.
Gracey
Muncie, IN |
Last year two students in my school died as he result of being in a drag race after seeing the movie "Fast and Furious 2." Originally their were five kids in the car. the fatal crash happened dring the third drag race of the night. My daughter lost her best friend that night. Becky was the only one to insist that the boy that was driving pull over and let her out after the first race. Two other kids tried to get the boy driving to slow down, but the rest of the kids called them cowards and urged the boy driving to drive even faster. My daughter told me that even after those two kids were killed the teens at her school chastized her for trying to slow the driver down. It just isn't "cool" to be a safe driver. At the boy's funeral, I talked to his father. He was angry that the fuel tank exploaded on impact. He wanted to sue the car company. It never occured to him that putting that 400hp leathal weapon in his son's careless and dangerous hands cost two people their lives for no reason at all. |
FEEDBACK: Some parents have no clue. My neighbor bought his son a high-powered Corvette because it was "faster" than the Porsche they guy across the street bought his son. I don't get the logic of such decisions-L.M. Fleet, Phoenix, NM
A kid can't go out and buy a gun but they can by an automobile that has no place on our city streets. Are we insane? H.A. Jackson Hole, WY
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B.T.
Ranson
NYC, NY |
As a police officer I am constantly surprised at how many parents put off talking about safe driving until their teens are “permit age” (generally 15). The other big ‘talks’- as in smoking, drugs, sex - usually take place much earlier. But the consequences of unsafe driving can be deadly, so the earlier you have the conversation, the better.
The conversation shouldn’t end once your teen has their license. How they drive during those first few months sets the pattern for all future driving.
Be sure you talk with your teen, not at them. Remember, they’re excited about driving. It’s a fun topic for them. If your teen feels they can share their views, their experiences and their excitement about driving with you, things may go a lot more smoothly.
Being a “safe driver” is not something most teens see as being "cool". But being a “smart driver” does appeal to them. The same goes for becoming a “skilled driver.” So it helps get the message across if you concentrate on them learning to drive well and prepare them for adverse driving conditions like rain, snow, and glare.
I would also suggest that you not be afraid of sounding too "parental". You’re still the authority figure they most admire. Your job is to provide structure for your teens. Most kids will never admit to it, but it’s what they want and what they need most is a parent, not just another friend.
Don’t get cold feet at enforcing your rules of the road. A consequence is not a consequence unless you make it stick. Taking away your teen’s driving privileges for a week or a month may not be convenient for you, but it might just save their life. |
| FEEDBACK: I had to take a deep breath and remind myself to be calm and patient with my son when he was learning to drive. I guess not all parents are cut out to be driving teachers. I finally had to ask my wife to take on the job.. -D.R.. Siomi Valley, CA |
N.U.
Nash
Cobalt, OR |
Here are some questions my wife and i asked each other before we made the decision to let our daughter go for her Driver's Permit at 16:
* In general, did she show good judgment?
* Did she generally resist peer pressure when it comes to risky or harmful behavior?
* Was she willing to follow state driving laws as well as our rules of the road?
* Did she seem comfortable behind the wheel?
* Did she truly understand what “safe driving” means?
My wife and I knew that research shows most teens differentiate between “good” drivers and “safe” drivers. For example, teens consider “good” drivers to be those who can handle a car at high speeds while a “safe” driver follows all the rules. We determined that our daughter was more concerned with being a "good" driver. We decided to wait until she was 17 to let her go for her driving permit. |
| FEEDBACK: never thought to ask my daughter if she and her friends drink. Now I will. I hope she tells me the truth. C.V. Ogden, UT |
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EXPERT OPINIONS |
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Driver’s education provides a good foundation for teaching |
teen drivers safe behaviors through knowledge and practice and is required in many states. Driver’s Ed. should be viewed as a starting point where teens learn valuable driving skills and gain the experience necessary to make them safe drivers. But parents should not rely solely on driver education to provide teens with the amount of knowledge and experience they need to become safer drivers. There is still no substitute for significant hours of behind-the-wheel experience to help increase a teen driver’s skills behind the wheel.
Susan Miller
Teacher
Boston School District |
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Good parents want their children to be able to tackle all of |
life’s challenges. Learning to drive is among the most important of those challenges. Parents need to play an active role in the process.
Talk to your teen early and often. Discuss the risks and responsibilities of driving when kids are young – and keep talking to them before, during and after the licensing process to ensure they learn successful, safe driving skills. Give these discussions the same priority as you would discussions about smoking, sex or drugs.
Mildred Shavertt, PhD
Child Psychologist
City of Philadelphia
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Don't rush things. Just because your teen has a permit or license it |
doesn’t mean they’re ready for every driving condition. Practice with them in empty parking lots or on side streets. Practice at night, in traffic and in adverse weather conditions. Keep in mind that if they do have an accident, it might not be their fault. The fact is, our brains are still developing through the teenage years and don't reach full maturity until our 20s
Selma Watts
Driving Instructor
Los Angeles, CA |
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Make sure you’re familiar with your state’s laws (they’ve |
probably changed since you learned to drive). Many states have enacted laws to help new drivers get on-the-road driving experience under lower-risk conditions, protecting them while they are learning. Know what your state’s requirements are and establish your own rules for when, where, how and with whom your teen may drive.
Sgt. Carla Babcock
Montana Highway Patrol
Seely, MT
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Practice what you preach. If you speed, roll through stop signs, |
make rude gestures at other drivers or chat on your cell phone behind the wheel, your teen is likely to do the same.
Also, talking to other parents of teens lets you discuss what’s worked and what hasn’t. It’s a way of sharing experiences with someone facing the same issue as you.
Ask other parents how they coach their teens—what do they say to their friends if they think those friends are not driving safely? Or if a friend is drinking and driving?
Danny Rockport
Insurance Claims Agent
Seattle, WA |
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Talk to other parents in your community about setting
common |
driving rules. It’s much easier to be an effective parent when you have the support of other parents in your community.
Work together to help make sure all teens in your community are safe. Have an agreement with other parents to take away a teen’s car keys, call the parents, call a taxi or allow the teen to sleep over if they shouldn’t be driving. And agree that none of you will let a teen leave your house and get behind the wheel if you suspect they’ve been drinking.
Dick Richardson
Teacher
Provo, UT |
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David Scholnick,
CFO
Fantazzzmia |
My teenage son is turning 16 early next year and he's already lobbying us for a new car. He says all his friends are getting new cars, that he deserves one because it's his right when he turns 16, and he won't drive what he calls a POS car.
If I wanted want to teach my son that he can pester and manipulate us into giving him his way, then by all means we would get him a new car. This is just one example of all of the things that come into play when families confront the issue of teen driving for the first time.
What we have here is an excellent opportunity to teach our son some important life lessons.There are at least two important principles to teach in this situation.
The first is the vast difference between rights and privileges.
Our son believes that getting a new car is his right as a 16-year-old. It's not. In fact, turning 16 does not even entitle him to a driver's license. It does make him eligible for the privilege of getting a driver's license.
Fostering the belief that privileges are in fact rights leads to a raging sense of entitlement
in teenagers .
However fostering a belief in privileges leads to a rare sense of ownership, appreciation and perhaps even stewardship, which is taking good care of what you have.
The second principle this situation allows us to cover with our son is the sometimes hazy difference between wants and needs.
Teens seldom realize that a need is a "must have" for survival, or to accomplish something important. A want is something they would like to have but can live without.
Our son might believe that he needs a car to get safely from place A to place B and my wife would certainly like to stop chauffeuring him. He may want a new car, but he does not need one. Even if we can afford to give him a new car, I think that would do him more harm than good.
So, of course we sat down with our son and told him that we know what a POS car is and assured him we had no intention of getting him one.
Similarly, we stated firmly that we had no intention of getting him a new car either. Briefly - and I mean short and sweet briefly - we explained the difference between rights and privileges and wants and needs.
Then we told him that we would be glad to help him find a Point A-to-Point B car. If he wanted anything better, we told him that for each dollar that he saves over the price of a basic Point A-to-Point B car, we will match it.
He did not walk away from this conversation jumping for joy.
He did walk away with the beginning of some very important life lessons, which is really the best 16th birthday present we could get him.
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